Andrew W.K.- 55 Cadillac

Who would have thought a well known, American, heavy metal musician could put out an album of S.S.P.I. (Spontaneous Solo Piano Improvisations) and have it be a pleasurable, listening experience?

My father gave me this new, Andrew W.K. album for my birthday. 55 Cadillac contains eight, solo, instrumental piano pieces lightly seasoned with the sound of evening crickets and passing cars.

The songs start off slightly primitive in style, but as they progress, Andrew builds beautiful, repetitive, chord structures that shape his songs into emotionally resonant, minimalist masterpieces. Occasionally, a sour note is hit, but it is quickly shaped into something amazing. This is the charm of an improvised recording such as this.

If you've ever fantasized about Andrew W.K. sitting down and noodling away on the piano you've kept in your garage for the last decade, fantasize no more. If you're a metal head who enjoys rapid drum playing and distorted guitar and vocals, pick up one of Andrew W.K.'s other records.

Hooray! 50,133 Words In 25 Days!

At just after midnight I reached the 50,000 word goal for NaNoWriMo. I'd like to thank my friends and family for all their patience and encouragement this month, especially my wife and daughter.

My next goal is to self-publish my manuscript titled, Unmagnificent Lives and make it available for sale at Amazon.com.

Here's my first crack at cover art using a public domain image and a brief description of the story:

'A gym class shower prank gets blown out of proportion. An Emergency Medical Technician moonlights as a masked vigilante. A young man ejaculates into a toilet, then fantasizes about assaulting the object of his erection. And every mess can be cleaned up with Clorox wipes. So, drink a Diet Pepsi, smoke a Cambridge cigarette, and spend some time in the lightly connected, restless, sympathetic lives of the men and women who exist between the pages of Unmagnificent Lives and see the world through their sad, troubled eyes.'

NaNoWriMo Writing Sample: Day 25
I shut off the shower and grab the towel off the hook. As I stand in the tub, drying my hair and body, my wife knocks twice and comes in. She’s wearing her pajamas which consist of a long, red t-shirt and white panties.

Her eyes are slits and her hair is a mess. She pulls down her bottoms and pulls her shirt up around her waist as she sits on the toilet to pee. I step out of the tub and stand next to her. I swing my cock back and forth with my hips, whacking her on the shoulder with it as I do.

“Cut it out, Joey!” She says.

I start laughing. “You love it!” I say.

“I do not.” She says. I continue to dry myself as she wipes and flushes. Gina washes her hands and I grab her ass as she does. “Come on, Joey! Give me a break will ya?”

“Never,” I say laughing.

Gina dries her hands, turns around and slaps my penis hard. “Ow!” I yell. “You bitch!”

“You love it.” She says smiling and closing the bathroom door behind her.

NaNoWriMo Writing Sample: Day 24
After what seems like maybe forty five minutes, I look down at my watch and realize we’ve been at the Golden Dragon over an hour and a half. The fire in the pupu platter has gone out and there are chicken bones and teriyaki beef skewers lying on small plates in front of each of us. I’m sitting back in the booth giggling to myself.

As far as I can remember, in the last ninety minutes, the conversation at the table has gone from movie stars, to people that we work with, to our families and relationships. I lost count of my drinks after the third round of mai tais. Janice sees me looking at my watch.

“What time is it?” She asks.

“Seven thirty,” I say.

“Holy shit, really?” Paula asks incredulously.

“Time flies when you’re having rum.” Janice says. The three of us laugh.

NaNoWriMo Writing Sample: Day 23
“Hello?” A tired man’s voice says.

Fuck! I hang up and try again, still furiously trying to maintain my erection with my other hand. Again, the phone rings.

“Hello?” A woman’s voice says. Long pause. “Helllloooo?” She says again in a sing-songy voice. I clear my throat into the phone. “Who’s this?” She asks.

“It’s Jim.” I say trying to sound confident and non-descript hoping she doesn’t hang up just yet.

“Oh,” she says. “Hold on Jim. I’ll get Vivian.”

Yes! Success! I have no idea who the fuck Vivian is, but if she knows who Jim is I hope to God he’s not her brother. I feel my erection getting harder.

“Hello?” A female voice says.

“Hey,” I say.

“Jim?” She says.

“Yeah.”

“What’s up?” She says.

I swallow hard hoping she’ll just keep talking. “I miss you.” I say.

“What?” She says. “Is this Jim or Brian?”

“Brian,” I say.

“Oh, Jen said you were Jim. I was like thinking, why is Jim saying he misses me I like just saw him at work like four hours ago?” She laughs. “So, what’s up?”

“What are you wearing?” There’s an uncomfortable pause and I know I’ve blown it.

“Uh, I don’t think this is Brian.” She says.

“Keep talking, I’m going to come.” I say.

“Oh my God,” she says and hangs up.

“Fuck!” I yell. The television is still showing commercials so I decide to try another number. “Come on, come on, come on” I say as I wait for someone to pick up on the other end.

“Hello?”A man’s voice says.

“Is your wife home?” I ask.

“Who the hell is this?”

“Brian.” I say. In the background I hear a woman asking who’s on the phone.

“Who is this?” The husband asks again.

“It’s Brian.” I say.

“Do you know a Brian?” The man asks his wife. I hear the phone changing hands.

“Hello?” The wife says in an aggravated voice.

“Hi,” I say.

“Listen, you better have a good fucking reason to be calling my house at this hour!” She yells. “Who the fuck is this and what the fuck do you want?”

The woman’s voice is slightly raspy and sleepy sounding. Her anger and swearing is really turning me on. With one hand I undo the button and zipper of my jeans and yank my pants and underwear down around my hips.

“It’s Brian!” I yell angrily.

“Yeah, and for the fiftieth time, Brian fucking who!” She shouts.

“You’re a nasty bitch,” I say.

“Oh, really I’m a nasty bitch?” She says. “Well let me tell you something Brian. You call my fucking house again and I’ll come over to wherever you are and cut your balls off and feed them to my German shepherd. Do you understand?!” She hangs up.

I drop the phone and pick up the Chinese food container, grunting as I ejaculate into the rice.

NaNoWriMo Writing Sample: Day 22
I wake to find the tapping noises from my dream are actually water drops hitting the outside of my sleeping bag. My head is completely inside the bag and I don’t want to look out at the wet weather.

I have to move myself into the cave. If I don’t, my sleeping bag will become soaked and I will not be able to sleep through the night. I poke my head out through the top of the bag and look around. It’s completely dark. As I slide myself out of the sleeping bag, I hear footsteps coming from the forest.

A second later, a hand is helping me to my feet and my sleeping bag is being picked up and thrust against my chest. I run into the cave and I can hear the woman just behind me. I lie down inside the cave and attempt to again, wriggle my way into the sleeping bag. But before I’m able to, the masked stranger kneels down and completely unzips the sleeping bag. Before I have a chance to object, she slips inside. Our bodies now pressed together, she pulls the sleeping bag around us and zips it back up all the way.

I’m lying on my back with my left, wounded arm, still in the sling, resting on my stomach. The stranger is lying on my right arm. Her head is near mine and her right leg is lying over my right leg. Her right arm is across my chest.

I slide my arm out from underneath the weight of her body and position my elbow under her head and around her shoulder. This feels much more comfortable. She’s breathing through her mouth and as she does, her breath gently blows a strand of her hair against my cheek.

Lying there, in the dark, I hear the rain falling through the forest just outside of the cave’s entrance. I touch my right hand to her back and feel that she’s still wearing her leather costume. I wonder if she’s still wearing her mask. The two of us fall asleep.

NaNoWriMo Writing Sample: Day 21
She stands the three tree limbs by the side of the cave and then sets to work on the deer. The woman picks up the doe’s body and lays it closer to the fire. She then goes into her backpack and pulls out a sheathed, hunter’s knife with a blade that must be at least nine inches long.

The heroine uses the large knife to slice the deer’s coat open and then goes about pulling it away from the flesh underneath. The skinning process takes a while before she seems content that the body is free from any fur.

The mysterious woman then hoists the deer carcass over her shoulder. With the headless neck of the creature dangling behind her, she once more walks over to the side of the cave where her tree limbs are leaning.

With one hand, she holds the deer body on her shoulder. With her free hand, she takes the longest, straight branch she pulled from the woods just minutes before and stands it in front of her like a pencil on a table.

She then positions the ass end of the deer on top of the stick and begins the process of sliding the branch through the entire length of the deer’s body. This is more difficult than one would imagine.

The skinless body is obviously slippery and the woman has to use the stumps, where only a few hours before limbs were, for leverage. As the strong branch begins to pass through the deer’s body, blood and organs are being pushed through the neck of the deer at the top.

After much pushing and grunting, she has the deer’s body centered on the branch with a few feet at each end. The deer body on the branch resembles a spare rib.